The Sunday Market Spread

And a Man Named Bill Kernoodle

Aug 09, 2026

This week I met a man named Bill Kernoodle.

You don’t hear a last name like that often. I was so delighted I shook his hand. Probably with more enthusiasm than the situation called for. It was a firm grip. Which, if you know me, is saying something. I generally avoid physical contact with strangers.

Wow, do I love a good last name.

• Jeff Kitchens
• Dale Cardigan
• Sue Garcia Garcia

I usually excuse myself upon meeting such a unicorn as Jerome D. Eulenthrope or Kenneth Beavers to jot the name in my Notes app. I then return with a hundred questions, desperately trying not to sound too intrusive or offensive.

Kernoodle.

But last Sunday, upon meeting Bill, I was at the farmer’s market, a kabocha squash under my arm. So all I could do was wish him a happy Sunday and go on my way. My imagination left to run amok.

Bill Kernoodle.

Is he familiar with every other Kernoodle out there? He must be.

Do they have family reunions? And where?

How many Kernoodles does it take to rent a pavilion?

Do all Kernoodles assume they’re related? Or does Bill frequent Reddit forums seeking others who share the same last name but have different family trees?

Is there a Mrs. Kernoodle? And did she deeply grieve the loss of her maiden name, which had suited her just fine?

Is she a high-powered attorney that the opposing counsel whispers, ‘Watch out. That’s Diane Kernoodle’ every time she enters the courtroom?

Did she fall in love with Bill before she found out his last name? And when she eventually did learn it, was she so in love that she thought, ‘I’ll just cross that bridge when the time comes.’

And did that time come way too quickly? Hitting her like a ton of bricks when she saw her wedding invitations on thick card stock in beautiful calligraphy:

Bill and Diane Kernoodle

I’ll never know.

Instead, Bill Kernoodle joined the other 50+ names in my phone, only his came without a backstory. No family history. No hobbies logged. Who knows if Diane exists.

It bothers me more than it should.

I recently heard someone say “everyone’s business is my business.” We all laughed. Me a little louder than the rest.