Happy Cakes™

Together, We Rise

Dear Laurel,

We hope this letter finds you well. We want to THANK YOU! for volunteering for Happy Cakes™.

WE APPRECIATE YOU!!! 🐻💛🍰

From our records, you were assigned to bake a cake for Brendan on his 10th birthday!

His request was for a six-layer Triple Chocolate Dream Cake with chocolate mousse filling, dark chocolate ganache, and chocolate sprinkles. We love that little guy. And boy, does he love chocolate!

This is not meant to be harsh, but we noticed the cake you delivered (THANK YOU!!!) was a single-layer chocolate cake with white sprinkles. Yikes.

But it’s okay! We’re reaching out to let you know the cake was not delivered to Brendan.

We threw it in the trash.

You now have a first ding on your record.

Please note, this is not intended to be a punishment. We take our foster children’s cake requests very seriously.

Volunteers who repeatedly turn in unsatisfactory desserts will have their baking privileges revoked for one year. Continued noncompliance may result in expulsion from our program. A fourth offense may result in a cease and desist letter, restraining order, and any further legal action until we bring you to your knees.

We are grateful to have you in our Happy Cakes™ family!!!!!

Please respond within 24 hours or you will automatically be demoted to General Holiday Baking Requests.

We know life gets busy. We respect your time as we know you respect ours.

Have a great weekend!

With the deepest love,

Happy Cakes™ 🐻💛🍰

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Dear Laurel,

Thank you for re-making Brendan’s cake. Wow. What an effort that must have taken!

Volunteers like you are the heartbeat of Happy Cakes™.

We did, however, immediately throw your cake into the trash. In fact, we took this one out to the back alley dumpster lest Brendan come in from playtime and see what a disgrace his birthday was shaping up to be.

Does he not deserve more?

Laurel.

We beg you. Brendan needs this. He needs you.

We understand, after your slightly passive-aggressive call yesterday, that you’re not a professional baker. We do not expect you to be!

You’re a newly single mom with a full-time job. Your husband left you high and dry. Your son needs braces. And you’re caring for your sick mother.

We see you. We hear you.

But who signed up for this?

Given that Brendan’s birthday is tomorrow, we’d love to extend one final opportunity to right this wrong.

We also told Brendan a nice lady from uptown is making his cake. He calls you “The Cake Lady.” You’re the first thing he asks about when he wakes up and the last thing he talks about before bed.

Perhaps reach out to a neighbor, consult Pinterest, or visit our community board for support. Do whatever it takes. But don’t let Brendan down. His life has been hard enough.

Have a terrific evening! We can’t wait to see you tomorrow at cake drop-off!!

With the deepest love,

Happy Cakes™ 🐻💛🍰

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Dear Cake Lady,

Great news!!!

Following your absence from cake drop-off last week and our repeated inability to reach you, we were forced to reevaluate your future with Happy Cakes™.

But after discussing it with our board, we’ve decided not to pursue legal action.

🎉🥳🍰

Your privileges, however, have been reduced to returning inquiries from prospective volunteers.

Can you handle that?

We know you’re a good person. We hope this task is better suited to where you are in life right now. 💛

You did ask how we know so much about your personal life. Here at Happy Cakes™, extensive background checks are part of the onboarding process. Once you’re on our team, you’re family!

We never leave your side.

Forever yours,

Happy Cakes™ 🐻💛🍰

Drawing by JJ

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Brendan’s Double Chocolate Dream Cake

Because six layers is psychotic.

Serves 10-12

Equipment:

• Digital kitchen scale

• Large and medium mixing bowl

• Whisk

• Rubber spatula

• Small saucepan or heatproof bowl, for the chocolate and coffee

• 8in round cake pan

• Parchment paper

• Cooling rack

• Toothpicks

Ingredients:

For the cakes

• 220g (1 3/4 cups) - All-purpose flour

• 70g (3/4 cup) - Dutch-process cocoa powder

• 300g (1 1/2 cups) - Granulated sugar

• 1 tsp - Baking soda

• 1 tsp - Baking powder

• 3/4 tsp - Fine salt

• 115g (4oz) - Semisweet chocolate, finely chopped

• 180g (3/4 cup) - Brewed coffee

• 2 Large eggs, room temp

• 180g (3/4 cup) - Whole-milk plain yogurt

• 120g (about 1/2 cup+ 1 tbsp) - Mild olive oil

• 2 tsp - Vanilla extract

For the frosting

• 340 g (12 oz) bittersweet chocolate, finely chopped

• 225 g (1 cup) full-fat sour cream, room temperature

• 85 g (6 Tbsp) unsalted butter

• 1 tsp vanilla extract

• ¼ tsp fine salt

Instructions:

Chocolate Cakes

1. Preheat oven to 350°F. Grease an 8-inch round cake pan and line the bottom with parchment paper. Lightly grease the parchment.

2. In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, cocoa powder, sugar, baking soda, baking powder and salt.

   

3. Finely chop the semisweet chocolate. Place in a medium heatproof bowl. Pour the hot coffee over the chocolate and let sit for a few minutes. Then stir until the chocolate has completely melted and the mixture is smooth.

4. In a medium bowl, whisk together the eggs, yogurt, olive oil and vanilla until smooth.

5. Whisk the chocolate/coffee mixture into the wet ingredients.

6. Pour the wet mixture into the dry ingredients and gently whisk until just combined. Switch to a spatula to scrape the sides and bottom of the bowl. Don’t overmix!

7. Divide and weigh the batter evenly into two portions. Pour one portion into the prepared pan, smoothing the top.

   

8. Bake for approximately 30–32 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the middle comes out with a few crumbs rather than wet batter.

9. Let the cake cool in the pan for 10–15 minutes. Run a thin knife around the edge if necessary, then carefully turn the cake onto a cooling rack and remove the parchment.

10. Allow the pan to cool, then clean, grease and line it with a fresh piece of parchment. Give the remaining batter a stir, pour it into the prepared pan and bake the second layer in the same manner.

11. Let both layers cool completely before assembling and frosting.

Chocolate Sour Cream Frosting

1. Place the bittersweet chocolate and butter in a small sauce pan on low. Stir well and quickly, until completely melted and smooth.

2. Let the mixture cool for 10 minutes, until lukewarm but still fluid.

3. Whisk in the room-temperature sour cream, vanilla and salt until the frosting is smooth and glossy.

4. Let the frosting sit at room temperature for 10–20 minutes, or until thickened enough to spread and hold its shape.

Assemble the Cake

1. Place the first cake layer on a serving plate with the flat bottom side down and the slightly rounded side facing up.

2. Spoon about one-third of the frosting onto the center of the cake. Using an offset spatula or butter knife, spread the frosting evenly toward the edges.

3. Place the second cake layer on top with its rounded side facing down, so the two rounded sides meet in the middle. The flat bottom of the second layer should now be facing up, giving you a level surface to frost.

4. Spoon most of the remaining frosting onto the center of the cake. Spread it across the top, working from the center toward the edges.

5. Push some of the frosting just over the edge, then use your spatula to pull it downward around the sides of the cake. Add the remaining frosting as needed and work your way around the cake until the sides are covered.

6. To smooth the sides, hold your spatula vertically against the cake and gently sweep it around the outside, removing or redistributing excess frosting as you go. It doesn’t need to be perfectly smooth—a few visible swoops and spatula marks give it a nice homemade finish.

7. Use the back of a spoon or spatula to make soft swirls across the top.

8. Finish with a few flakes of Maldon sea salt, edible flowers or berries.